Eat Ass or Die Trying
is maybe my greatest artistic moment and it came from such a fall. I was out here as indie musician trying to be sufjan and i wanted to make positive and palatable jams rooted in the realism of humanity while my life was actively burning. I held Mesita as a brand, even with someone else taking the name, as I lost my mom to cancer and had diminishing interest in all I've devoted myself to, I still pushed forward cuz I'm a guy and probably toxic and bad. I need to make my platform, I need to allow myself self-expression even if people don't even care. Just the yelling down an empty well is what guides me. But everything in my life went south 2019, my dad found a new lady with a family and kicked me out of my home. I had a relationship end at the exact same time. Definitely thought about ending shit, got on poppers and lexapro. And I don't know man, the music just came out. I stopped fucking caring. It's like if no one is here listening to my stuff anyway, suddenly it becomes so easy and fun to just sit here and build a world.
I'm def on the spectrum. All my times playing minecraft I build train lines and towers to those trains. I color code them and make it like an NYC subway. There's a chance I live like that too. And having a broken mind and heart, that's the blues. Eat Ass or Die Trying was me just fuckin moving forward with what I have. I let go of all the preconceptions I built for myself about what proper music is and should be. Why can't I make songs about dogs when dogs are cool and they are the best. No one has been able to tell me not to make a song about why dogs are cool. If anyone tried to it would be a fruitless endeavor.
I was trying to make an album with Blackwhite and had a day I just recorded what was in my heart for You Are Beautiful album on a whim. And blame it on the lexapro I thought that album was sick and the most I've ever been able to just process the music in my soul into the music I release. It wasn't until that halloween night I was running around Brooklyn dressed up as gaara and got back and saw the next morning my twitter account banned because Anthony Fantano posted a gay rap video talking about eating ass and my comment Eat Ass or Die Trying triggered the bots to ban my account that I lost my mind and just started making abosulte bullshit. I lost everything at that point and still continued to make stuff.
Some of the best work you ever could make might begin as a joke. The comedy of life and our own human experience is so funny, why not start in the light of that.